how to start

february 4, 2023

i almost wrote the month previous, it is now february, not; january. is that the correct way to use a semi colon?

i have been making lists of things that i like, call it gratitude

• i like warm light, the overhead are much too loud

• i like to organize, sort, file, create systems

• i like masking tape

have i been thinking too much of the past ?

of the future?

either way, i am scared i don't have enough of the now.

it feels scary, writing into this void white space. like staring at the first blank page of a new journal.

i never start on the first blank page anyways, i just flip past and break in the second / third

• i like a double page spread

• i like to return to the first page... eventually

psychoanalyzing myself, and why i fear starting something new, seems to be a procrastination technique i am slipping into much too often.

fear of rejection? perfectionism? anxiety?

slinking deeper into my chair of inadequacy, unsure what more to write.

it is now february 6, 2023 at 07:12